Chapter 08 Nothing Gained

In fact, the last conversation could almost be described as having reached an impasse. Xia Huixi had long since made up her mind not to continue, yet the other party's gentle and polite tone left her feeling somewhat perplexed. She responded vaguely a few times, and finally, tentatively and tactfully asked the other party: "When I requested leave from the production team last time, they informed me that they had already found a replacement candidate."

Xia Huixi seemed to shrink back, her fingers trembling slightly as if trying to shake off nonexistent droplets. Suddenly, as if recalling something, she sat there rigidly, her gaze fixed on a neatly stacked pile of notebooks.

At that time, it was noted down with the most ordinary ballpoint pen, the blue ink had somewhat blurred, faintly diffusing into a shadow, overlapping heavily, as if it were the footsteps of dawn gently swaying

The other party was silent for a moment, smiled awkwardly, seemingly unsure of how to respond. Finally, without beating around the bush, they said: "Miss Xia, it is like this, programs always have to consider their ratings. Currently, our situation is that since you took leave, the ratings have indeed not been as good as before. Therefore, the television station's intention is to invite you back to continue hosting this program. There may have been some communication issues between us before, but these issues can be renegotiated. What do you think?"

Xia Huixi has always preferred a gentle approach over a forceful one. Given the other party's humility, she was already swayed significantly in her heart. After some contemplation, she ultimately agreed.

Xia Huixi's body was pressed against the wall, precisely at the position of the dressing mirror. Despite the presence of heating, she felt cold as soon as she made contact. She only felt her body growing weak, gradually sliding down. Finally, she managed to use her strength to prop herself up and softly said, "Let me go"

Xia Huixi occasionally browses financial magazines and is aware that CRIX has developed at a remarkable pace in recent years. As the president of the group, Pei Yueze has made a series of decisions that are both precise and decisive. At this moment, seeing it with her own eyes is hard to believe; this controller is surprisingly young. Dressed simply in a white shirt and black pants, he has a tall and slender figure, slightly on the thin side, with facial features that are deep-set and nearly perfect.

Ah?

That was two years ago, when she had just been accepted into the doctoral program. Xia Huixi accompanied Professor Peng to CRIX for the first time. The conference room was not large; an oval table could accommodate only about a dozen people, and with five professors from Nanjing University and representatives from the other company, it was barely enough seating. Therefore, the students or assistants who came with several professors sat in a circle of chairs around the periphery.

Yet tonight, his demeanor is indeed rather unusual, as if he has shed the typically gentle and refined image, suddenly bursting forth with intense emotions. She raises her eyebrows and gazes at his departing figure, suddenly reminiscing about the moments they shared back home. They would discuss the latest cutting-edge theories in psychology or meet at the small restaurant on the second floor of the cafeteria for a meal, filled with laughter and light-hearted conversation, their relationship as clear and serene as a gentle breeze.

The screenwriter exchanged a few pleasantries with her, subtly complimenting her, and mentioned that she is currently very popular on a local forum. This piqued Xia Huixi's curiosity, and after hanging up the phone, she casually turned on her computer

Perhaps it is still my fault; if I could exercise a bit more restraint... if she had never brought anything up...

Online searching is undoubtedly a discipline that requires skill. However, it is evident that Xia Huixi is, without a doubt, failing in this subject. The information pages that emerged are exceedingly monotonous, consisting merely of content related to CRIX or a few simple sentences of identity introduction.

After taking a shower, she closed the window that had been open all afternoon and turned on the air conditioning. Xia Huixi wrapped herself in a quilt, intending to have a good sleep. In fact, her physical fatigue was secondary; upon returning to her home country, she felt the chill of late autumn and early winter, and remembered the materials she needed to organize and the classes she had to catch up on, which made her feel extremely weary. She buried her face in half of the quilt, and since it hadn't been aired out for a long time, she sensed a dampness, making it difficult for her to fall asleep as she tossed and turned.

She was also uncertain whether to continue waiting. Just as she hesitated, she noticed that the door had opened. Peng Ze and Pei Yueze came out together, seemingly still engrossed in conversation, speaking in low voices. As soon as Professor Peng saw her, he slapped his forehead and exclaimed, "Oh dear, Xiao Xia, I completely forgot about you. Were you still waiting?"

Two years ago, Professor Peng often instructed her to search for certain academic materials for a period of time. She would always jot them down in a small notebook, then retrieve them from the database, either by photocopying or printing them into a booklet, and then deliver them to her supervisor. Looking back now, it seems that was the time when he frequently interacted with Professor Peng.

Pei Yueze showed a look of confusion: "Is it really that simple?"

She could not help but recall the dreams she had been having frequently lately. The man seemed to be shrouded in a mist, his handsome face emerging from the fog that resembled a sea of clouds. That backdrop, dark as ink, along with the slender silhouette, would vanish in an instant. Meanwhile, she futilely reached out her hand, her fingertips brushing against a few drops of desolate, glimmering mist.

What has caused this harmonious and tacit atmosphere to transform into such a rigid and awkward embarrassment

Her impression was not incorrect. Indeed, at that time, the paper was filled with the titles and authors of papers and works. She briefly glanced over it and summarized the keywords—treatment of depression

He continued to escort her to the door, watching her silhouette fade away. Clearly, the warmth she brought still lingered on his fingertips, yet that person seemed to vanish into the air, along with her presence, rapidly cooling at a pace he found hard to reach. This time, he restrained the intense emotions surging within him and gently closed the door.

It seems that every city has a highly popular forum where people share and exchange information about local delicacies, shopping, and other topics that only locals find engaging. Xia Huixi rarely visits this BBS and, for a moment, did not know where to find the information mentioned by the director over the phone. She glanced at an advertisement for a search engine nearby, and it felt as if a thought suddenly illuminated her mind, overshadowing all other ideas. She opened the search page and typed three characters with her fingertip: Pei Yueze. Xia Huixi rarely visits this BBS and, for a moment, did not know where to find the information mentioned by the director over the phone. She glanced at an advertisement for a search engine nearby, and it felt as if a thought suddenly illuminated her mind, overshadowing all other ideas. She opened the search page and typed three characters with her fingertip: Pei Yueze

Pei Yueze remained silent for a long time, his gaze bright and seemingly scrutinizing her expression through her hair. In fact, Xia Huixi's expression was quite ordinary, showing no signs of anything unusual, which eased his mind slightly. He simply denied it: "No."

Why didn't you come in just now at the door

The other party let out a gentle laugh, and there seemed to be a special tolerance and affection in their gaze: "The next time we meet, it should be after you return to your country, right? I will cooperate with you well."

Xia Huixi quickly waved her hand: "I have no other intentions. I just want to chat casually. It has been more than two years, and it is normal that you do not have a deep impression of me."

The person in charge of CRIX quickly stood up and respectfully introduced to everyone: "This is our group president, Mr. Pei Yueze"

Xia Huixi's long hair brushed against the wall as he pressed her against it, appearing messy and somewhat casual, much like her current chaotic emotions, which seemed impossible to untangle. In a moment of determination, she simply removed the hair tie that held her ponytail, and with a firm resolve, her clear voice echoed in the room: "Su Ruhao, what were you doing just now? Does this count as an overreaction?"

At that time, they began to negotiate their scientific research cooperation agreement, and the discussion process was lengthy and tedious. Xia Huixi had almost become accustomed to the faint scent of lilies in the air, the flickering brightness of the PowerPoint presentations, and the radiation and low hum emitted by the projector and several laptops.

A thought flashes and vanishes, like lightning; it is not dazzlingly bright, yet it illuminates the few steps ahead of me.

A faint sense of regret surfaced, and Xia Huixi suddenly called out to him: "Su Ruhao, we... can still interact like we used to, right?"

When Xia Huixi spoke, she had completely regained her composure. She slightly raised her head and said slowly, "Please do not act this way, let us have a proper conversation."

She has always had the habit of carrying a notebook with her, a practice that helps her effectively plan her life. Whether it is a significant matter like adjusting her course schedule or a minor task such as a shopping list for the supermarket, she always notes it down in her notebook

Such close eye contact seemed to allow her to feel his slightly curled eyelashes brushing gently against her cheek with each breath. Xia Huixi felt her heart uncontrollably pounding. His gaze carried a hint of suppressed restlessness, as if he were anxiously awaiting her response.

The meeting has concluded. Professor Peng was in the process of instructing her on the organization of some materials when suddenly the two were stopped.

I am his psychologist, is there anything inappropriate about this approach

She almost laughed: "Just like that"

Still nothing has been gained

From the very first meeting, he continuously discovered various qualities in her that were enough to attract him. Her personality, in most cases, was poised and gracious, lively in her interactions with students, and possessed an endless enthusiasm when organizing charitable endeavors. Thus, he was drawn along with her to Cui Xiang, enduring the fatigue of tasks that had nothing to do with him. It was only when he finally moved his finger to transfer the money that he felt a sudden shock—money was not the issue; he just suddenly wondered if he had strayed too far from his own path.

Xia Huixi did not delve deeper; she lowered her head to check the time, seemingly a bit reluctant: "Although it was said to be a conversation, in reality, it was just me talking all the time"

He walked in, greeting and shaking hands with the scholars present, exuding a calm demeanor. When Xia Huixi saw him approach her mentor and heard the introduction from others, her gaze seemed to brighten slightly: "Professor Pengze? I have long admired your name. It is a pleasure to meet you." As for the others, they were merely brushed aside.

It was as if someone had thrown a stone into the boundless deep sea, and layer upon layer of ripples spread outward. Su Ruhao's deep, ink-like eyes expanded and then condensed in an instant, and finally, a faint, almost imperceptible smile appeared at the corner of his mouth as he softly said: "I was overreacting."

I do not wish to see you, so you went to see Pei Yueze

Until someone pushed open the door, a gust of air swept through, tousling her short hair back. Like everyone else, she turned her gaze towards the newcomer.

She barely had time to turn around when she caught a glimpse of a shadow rushing in. It seized her hand, kicked the door shut, and pressed her against the wall behind the door

How could I not know it was him? After spending so much time together, his subtle movements and the aura he exudes have long been familiar. Xia Huixi felt a bit annoyed, but the darkness seemed to create a barrier that shielded them from each other. She could not find the words to speak and could only push him hard on the shoulder: "Su Ruhao, let go of me!"

She no longer felt sleepy, so she simply sat up, turned on the light, and answered the phone

The current seemed to flow silently, and with a soft pop, the light on the ceiling illuminated. Su Ruhao had already stepped back a pace, yet still supported himself against the wall beside her with one hand, intently watching her.

Pei Yueze slightly lowered his head, a strand of hair falling above his brow like a glossy needle, obscuring his expression. His left thumb gently caressed his somewhat pale lips as he spoke slowly, "At that time, I often had some questions to consult Professor Peng."

It seemed that due to the honesty of his feelings, the man's cheeks flushed slightly, and he lost the calmness and composure he usually maintained. His voice was gentle and sincere: "I did say that I wouldn't misunderstand you. However, it seems that this kind of thing is truly beyond control..."

"It's settled then." Pei Yueze held her hand, gazing deeply into her eyes with a gentle tone, "I have a flight back tonight. During this time, you must take care of yourself and avoid going out alone."

She glanced at the room number beside her, recalling that it was Su Ruhao's room, and her steps involuntarily came to a halt. She wanted to see if he was feeling better, but suddenly felt a twinge of shyness and timidity. After hesitating for a long time, she ultimately fled in a panic.

She quickly flipped through one of the notebooks, with the final date fixed on a few days more than two years ago

Is that so? Director Peng is indeed a leading authority in psychology in the country. His clinical experience is also quite extensive. Xia Huixi smiled awkwardly and said, "Did you seek him out for psychological counseling back then?"

When the phone suddenly vibrated, the sound was particularly crisp, as if someone had snapped their fingers and the blade had trembled, startling Xia Huixi to the point where she almost sat up

At this moment, the two individuals were almost face to face, as they lowered their heads, his nose brushed against the side of her neck, and the breath he exhaled stirred a few strands of her long hair, as if a light feather had passed by, causing a slight tickling sensation

This person seems to leave only CRIX and his own identity to the outside world

His hand was not as warm as Su Ruhao's; it was slightly cool, with slender and strong joints. When Xia Huixi withdrew her hand, she felt a slight sense of relief and responded very kindly: "I understand. Thank you"

Xia Huixi's cardiac arrest. The room card silently fell into the dark and quiet room

The person, however, did not respond; they merely quietly released her wrist, propped one hand against the mirror behind her neck, and wrapped the other around her waist, leaning in towards her with a low laugh: "Do you recognize me?"

The desk lamp emitted a warm and lingering light on this rainy autumn night, resembling a small sun that could be cradled in one's palm. Xia Huixi closed the page, feeling a twinge of disappointment. In truth, her sudden curiosity was not due to a gossiping mindset; she had no interest in Pei Yueze's private life. However, as his psychologist, she found herself lacking in information about him. In fact, analyzing the background of a client is quite important. Yet, in this regard, Pei Yueze had provided her with no clues or possible information.

He furrowed his brows, wearing a somewhat childish expression, as if he were trying hard to recall: "I’m sorry, I really can’t remember."

Su Ruhao seemed to overlook her somewhat dazed expression at that moment and naturally changed the subject: "Hmm, it has only been a few days since going abroad, yet it feels like a long time has passed."

The newcomer was a young lady. Xia Huixi speculated that she might hold a position such as a secretary. She seemed to have waited outside the venue for quite some time before walking straight up to Professor Peng: "Professor Peng, may I take up a few minutes of your time?"

He finally remembered to let her go, and that sense of oppression seemed to dissipate like a wisp of smoke in an instant. Xia Huixi gradually relaxed and forced a smile, asking, "Are you feeling better now?"

I did not expect it to be a call from the director of the television station. They spoke very politely, inquiring whether she had returned and asking when she would be able to come back to record the program

Su Ruhao's hand slowly brushed against her face, though he could not see her, he could still feel the contours of her face... the smooth forehead, the elegant bridge of her nose, the slightly warm cheeks... His fingers wandered down until they touched her lips, one by one, as if he were sketching her features in his heart with the simplest of pencils.

Xia Huixi closed her notebook with a sense of disappointment, resembling a child who has failed to solve a riddle, and she smiled while rubbing her forehead in slight discomfort. In fact, the collaboration between CRIX and Nanda University regarding the pharmacological treatment of depression had already commenced at that time. Therefore, upon careful consideration, there was nothing particularly special about this information.

Pei Yueze then smiled as he looked at Xia Huixi, appearing somewhat more serious than before, and shook hands once again, saying, "A great teacher produces outstanding students, it is a pleasure to meet you"

In the following period, Professor Peng often called her, either asking her to retrieve some materials or to check a few documents in the research institute's document room and send them over. Whenever she received a call, after completing her assignments, she would often rush to the headquarters of CRIX to hand over the organized document package to her mentor. On a few occasions, she encountered Pei Yueze, who always politely nodded at her, but he seemed to keep his lips pressed together, as if he would not smile. This detail has left a deep impression on Xia Huixi to this day

She sighed, attempted to change the keywords, and searched for his family and background. Similarly, she found nothing.

It was merely a perfunctory glance around. When Xia Huixi shook hands with him, she effortlessly sensed his distraction, and even his greeting of "hello" seemed to carry an air of insincerity. She sat down in her place and saw Pei Yueze step forward to briefly say a few words. Finally, out of a habitual sense of aloofness, he offered a slight smile before leaving

At this point, Xia Huixi picked up the cup of warm water beside her, took a sip, and ceased the discussion

In retrospect, what initially seemed to be an ordinary international academic exchange appeared to be a surging undercurrent, strange and tumultuous, never truly peaceful from the very beginning. If the violence encountered on the street marked the beginning, then the subsequent series of events stirred a sense of unease within me. Xia Huixi habitually brushed her forehead, her delicate and fair fingers folding at her brow, resembling a magnolia in bloom. He also fell silent for a moment, sensing the subtle awkwardness in the air, and gently cleared his throat: "I will take my leave now"

His complexion was slightly pale, yet his gaze was surprisingly clear. After a long while, he finally said: "It's nothing."

The carpet is exceptionally thick and soft; stepping on it, even while wearing high heels, produces not even the slightest sound. Xia Huixi took out the room card to unlock the door, and with a click, she turned the doorknob. As she stepped inside and was about to close the door behind her, she suddenly felt that the door was obstructed by something.

The back of her body was cold, while the front was burning hot, and Xia Huixi only felt flustered: "I thought you didn't want to see me"

On one hand, she felt ambushed by the question, and on the other hand, she thought that the situation between the two of them was truly inappropriate. Therefore, she tried her best to press her body against the wall and slowly moved down, attempting to reach the room card that had fallen to the floor. However, he firmly grasped her waist, rendering her unable to move, and softly repeated, "Why don't you come in?"

Then, will that information be related to him

When the customer service staff cleaned the room, it was customary to pull the curtains closed, rendering the space truly pitch black. She could not see his expression, only hearing a cold remark that felt like a massive stone, pressing down on her and making it hard for her to breathe. After a while, as calm as she was, she could only steady herself and remained silent.

Fortunately, she kept these records

Xia Huixi stepped out of the descending elevator with a light and brisk pace. Perhaps she sensed a subtle change in her own mindset, or perhaps it was due to Pei Yueze's quietly shifting attitude. Suddenly, she felt a sense of lightness, and her confidence in future psychological counseling was slightly restored.

He finally slowly let her go, bent down to pick up the room card, and inserted it into the power slot

Perhaps this response comes a bit late, as Xia Huixi's typically clear and swift thinking seems to have been momentarily hindered by something. She stared at him blankly for several seconds before finally uttering a simple syllable: "Oh"

In the days that followed, everything was calm and uneventful. Su Ruhao seemed to have not heard her last words, as his attitude towards her appeared to have reverted to how it was before, as if time had turned back. Until their return to the country, this attitude made Xia Huixi feel quite at ease.

She was then taken upstairs. Xia Huixi sat briefly in the secretary's office, while Professor Peng entered the president's office. She waited for a long time, until she noticed that the sky outside was getting dark, and the secretary was preparing to leave for the day. Seeing that there was still no movement inside, she finally asked her: "Miss Xia, it seems that the discussion inside will take a while longer. Would you like me to arrange a car to take you home?"

Professor Peng introduced: "This is my student"

Yet his footsteps did not pause, and that figure suddenly faded away at the door, leaving only the soft sound of a closing door, as if the notes that had not yet ceased continued to resonate in the mind

Today's progress is quite good, she extended her hand with a lively spirit and said, "Then it's settled."

From a traditional perspective, Su Ruhao embodies a so-called "balanced and harmonious" handsomeness. Although his features may not be as impeccably beautiful as those of Pei Yueze, he possesses a distinct charm that is equally appealing. Every time one sees him, it invariably evokes a sense of reliance.

The name "Su Ruhao" sounded as if pearls were falling onto a jade plate, exuding a refreshing beauty. A smile graced Su Ruhao's lips, seemingly meant to comfort her, as he gently said: "I have been overly concerned about gains and losses. Did I scare you?"